“The starting point of discovering who you are, your gifts, your talents, your dreams, is being comfortable with yourself. Spend time alone. Write in a journal. Take long walks in the woods.”
Robin S. Sharma
Today this idea seems distant and unattainable. I’m wondering what the hell I thought when I decided to do this.
I currently live in my “dream home” with my “dream husband and daughter” and two adult “dream sons” who are bright and edgy. I drive a fun luxury crossover SUV, and the inside of my home could be featured in Southern Living magazine. We have no credit card debt other than a reasonably small 401k loan, and I spend upwards of 1.5k a month on anything I want, such as clothes and decor.
More importantly, both of my parents are still living along with my siblings and nieces and nephews. I’ve never lost a close friend or lover. No one close to me has ever been diagnosed with a critical illness, I’ve never watched a family member die a tormented death from cancer, and my grandparents all died in their 80s.
I started working for a local healthcare delivery company in 2013 that was acquired by a large global healthcare organization with excellent benefits and a stellar reputation. I’ve never attended a single day of college, but I’ve proven myself and moved up through the ranks to Regional Manager over 7 clinics with 8 direct reports, 33 physicians, and 85 indirect reports.
A charmed life. Why can’t I get it together? Why am I not blissfully happy? Why can I spend an entire week in bed unable to get up and face life?
This is what I tell myself when I’m alone. I am the broken one. The one that nobody understands. Alone.
XOXO – Monica
Beating Perfectionism 